Cocaine Mouth

I'm on my "musical chairs" experiment to see if I can cure my insomnia. After meeting some alternative healing nuts at the "I am one with the Spirit" raw-foods Cafe Gratitude in the Sunset, I decided to re-start my latest round of the Insomnia Challenge. I went to Whole Foods last weekend and armed myself with lavender augustifolia essential oil, melatonin (1 mg orange-flavored sublingual), and got lunesta from my doctor on Monday.

Here are the results:

(1) Massive amounts of exercise - No dice, never a sure thing. I either end up conked out or, more likely, completely exhausted physically but unable to sleep.
(2) Ambien - Works well the first time, but not the second night. Space them out. Also, it doesn't work if you really are worried about something.
(3) Clonazepam (a hypnotic) - Works well the first time, &tc. Once I had a really bad reaction the next day and woke up nauseous and had to throw up a couple times. But most of the time, this one knocks me out. I just can't take any one of these medications in a row.
(4) Valerian root herbal supplement or tea bags - Makes you feel spaced out and groggy, but not much more
(5) Warm milk - Hit or miss. Sometimes the sugars in it will keep you up. Also it's extra calories I don't really want to be consuming at the end of the day.
(6) Reading a good book - Only works if I am very sleepy. Otherwise I keep on processing the plot or the ideas.
(7) Reading a boring textbook - Doesn't work. I'm too lazy and reach for a "good book."
(8) Listening to hypnotic storytelling CD's - Sometimes it lulls me to sleep, but often, I just lie there with the CD on infinite repeat, and before I know it, I've heard the story eight times.
(9) Watching television - Big No-go. I may get sleepy but I don't fall asleep.
(10) Tylenol PM - Wakes me the hell up. Stay far away!
(11) Nyquil, even when I don't have a cold - Somewhat effectual, but it sure takes a lot of motivation to down that nasty-ass shit!
(12) Alcohol - No, it usually makes it harder for me to fall asleep. I get drowsy but my mind is still racing. Bad idea. I usually drink knowing that I ain't sleepin'.
(13) Lavender essential oil - Ineffectual. Wakes me up, if anything. I hate odorous things anyway. Smells like bad perfume. Can't believe I threw my money away there.
(14) Melatonin - Well, I gave it one try and felt relaxed, but not sleepy. I'll try it again soon.
(15) Lunesta - Seemed to work pretty well, but it gives you cocaine mouth - dry, bitter, yucky, medicine-y taste on the roof of your mouth and your tongue, making you want to gag. Yuck! But effectual. And somewhat less habit forming, or so they say.

There was an article in the Times Select about how women in marriages where the guy either earns 2/3 of the cash, or all of the cash, rate their happiness in their marriages highest. I don't think it's because those bastards are shining angels from paradise. I think it's because women whose income more closely matches their husbands are more likely to be competitive type-A people, which demanding personalities that aren't likely to be easily satisfied. That's how they got to where they are: by working hard and accepting nothing but the best. They are therefore not going to be chomping at the bit to proclaim their fucktard husbands God! Not to say that women who earn less are more laid back, but I think they probably think they can't complain that much if they're being provided for. And they like the idea of being provided for, because it creates some kind of mutual nurturing between them and their husbands. Whatever, that's just my 2pence.

Just for the record, I am in no way endorsing Times Select. I think those fuckers lost a lot of readers when they went "Select" and I sponged my login and password off of other poor saps. In fact, I think the whole world should protest by all using just one password, and have each person contribute $0.000000000000000000 ... 0000000000001 cents for their share of the subscription. Oh yeah? Take THAT, New York Times Select!!!