Marshmallow Eggs

I've been waking up wanting to slit my wrists these last couple mornings. I helped Janice move out of her and her boyfriend's apartment on Friday night and it was horrible. I feel for her, and the experience brought up all these sad memories for me.

They'd been living together for four years out of the 5.5 total they've been together. He'd been promising to propose for the last four years. What a fucking crock. On New Year's Eve he busts out the whole, "I'm not so sure about this" spiel. She's like, what the fuck? That came, like, at least 3 years too late.

I helped her cart her shit back to her new place, met her roommate, who was fresh off the boat from France, and we made a quick Ikea run (I think Ikea is utopia, but that's another post) ... and went back to her old place for a last carload. I treated her (ex) boyfriend in a civil and polite manner, but I was *not* pleased with him. She managed to keep the sniffles to a minimum when she said goodbye to him, and I am so glad I was there to help her be strong. I was so torn up myself, I wanted to crumble. The scene triggered an instant-replay of my parents' goodbye to each other many many years ago, when I was only five. It is only now that I realize why this moving day affected me so deeply.

I admire Janice for her amazing strength in this situation. The pain of separation, the glory of re-emergence as a new person. Severing ties, reaching out with tiny tendrils for new ones. The hottest fires forge the strongest swords.

Apologies for the cliches. Yes, reasons to stay single. It's important to remain unattached, I've decided. I went trail running yesterday morning after feeling like taking a razor to the wrist and I realized that I can learn a thing or two from Janice. This type of thing definitely sets you back, but she's determined to pick up the pieces and move on, if he doesn't come around with a proposal. She's already got two dates lined up.

But I've got another reason to stay single. Chinese New Year. If you're not married, you still get money from the older folk. I just returned from a gargantuan Chinese New Year dinner involving poached eggs that looked like marshmallows, giant-ass crabs, drippingly porous tofu, bony fish, and red bean soup. Yummmy. But the thing is, you only have to give out the red packets of money if you're married. So, if you can stay single (keep your fingers crossed) you'll continue to score money ... at least until your folks get old and then it's your turn to dish out the cash.