Is there room for me in Tooldom?

First off, let me say this. I think people who blog are self-aggrandizing tools. They're big-time exhibitionists and pedagogues who think they actually have something to offer the world. They'll be spouting on about Bush's latest fuckup or their pet theories on on why Schrodinger's cat really is dead or, even worse, discussing in excruciating detail their morning encounter with the boss or how Billy didn't sit next to them after second period English class.

Do I look like I give half a shit?

Fuck No! You're a retard if you think people actually read this drivel!

Then there's the goody-goody types who will use their blogs to "keep in touch" with everyone in their life. These are the worst. They'll post pictures of their trip to Peru with feel-good stories about how Stacey gave some barefoot little mountain boy a chance to use her digital camera and he he nearly pissed his pants in excitement. Ugh! Where's the fun in that kind of blog? If everyone you know reads it, you don't get to rip on them!

Conversely, there's the kind of blog where everyone gets ripped on, including your closest friends. That doesn't work, either, because you can't let anyone know you're keeping a blog, and the only people who read your blog are people you don't know. Then your blog exists in some kind of parallel universe to you, without any interface between your real life and your internet life. That just sounds pathetic.

Conclusion: Blogs! Useless!

However ... with that being said, I've decided I'm ready to join the ranks of bloggers. After years of scorning these fools, I'm ready to make my entree into Tooldom.

I've got plenty of venom and bile and my own bullshit theories to share. I've also got agonizingly boring stories about my boring-ass life. So I guess we'll give it a go. Of course, I'll be dodging the rotten eggs and tomatoes on my way in. Thanks for listening ...